taking the train into Boston every single day to go to work. I prefer to see Boston in the light I see it in now - as a day of fun, exploring, or a night time frolick through back bay after going to see the Boston Pops.
I don't miss being lonely, but sometimes I miss the alone time - It's ironic but back before I met my husband, I was alone almost all the time and I hated it. Yet, now, that type of time is a far and few between. When I go get it now, I love it! You can't get much more ironic than that, Alanis! (Don't you think?)
Getting married and having a family has completely changed my perception and my attitude grows in a positive way as i get older. So, I don't miss some of the time I wasted wishing things were different. Instead, I relish in the present and look forward to more good days!
Friday, March 15, 2013
Thursday, March 7, 2013
Where I Belong
Sometimes I wonder between my past and present lives, where exactly do I fall in the whole scheme of life.
Where am I supposed to be? The crossroad I stand in is made up of the smooth versus the gravelly. The smooth is where I was 20 some odd years ago, I just didn't see it. I tended to feel that I was on a dark road. Yes, it was straight, maybe a little too straight, and I wanted to really live alongside the members of the band, The Eagles.
The gravelly road full of tiny little pebbles and big boulders was (or should I say is) the more unknowing way. Life tends to be a lot of stubbing my toes on those big rocks. It smarts, sometimes really hurts when this happens, but later on I realize that things occur to show me how strong I am.
I truly believe that I belong on the harder road as it has helped shape who I am today. Challenges have visited me in many forms, and for many of those challenges I see something sweeter at the end once I've dived in head first and dug my way through to find the sweetness.
Sometimes this conversation goes on in my head, where am I going? where have I been? and am I where I should be?
This very tough yet tender gal is going towards that giant formation of strength. Moving forward, loving all those in my life - who also cheer me on, I realize I am where I belong - on a moving treadmill and taking in all that surrounds me - family, friends and my passions.
Where am I supposed to be? The crossroad I stand in is made up of the smooth versus the gravelly. The smooth is where I was 20 some odd years ago, I just didn't see it. I tended to feel that I was on a dark road. Yes, it was straight, maybe a little too straight, and I wanted to really live alongside the members of the band, The Eagles.
The gravelly road full of tiny little pebbles and big boulders was (or should I say is) the more unknowing way. Life tends to be a lot of stubbing my toes on those big rocks. It smarts, sometimes really hurts when this happens, but later on I realize that things occur to show me how strong I am.
I truly believe that I belong on the harder road as it has helped shape who I am today. Challenges have visited me in many forms, and for many of those challenges I see something sweeter at the end once I've dived in head first and dug my way through to find the sweetness.
Sometimes this conversation goes on in my head, where am I going? where have I been? and am I where I should be?
This very tough yet tender gal is going towards that giant formation of strength. Moving forward, loving all those in my life - who also cheer me on, I realize I am where I belong - on a moving treadmill and taking in all that surrounds me - family, friends and my passions.
Friday, March 1, 2013
Online friends - are they the real deal?
So, in the past 12 years or so, a few branches on my friend tree are ones that are 1,000's of miles away. Thanks to the internet, and being in the right place at the right time, I've met three people online, between myspace, my writing life, and my online 'journal'. Now we are all on FB, or have exchanged addresses and become pen pals in one way or another.
It's ironic that even though we've never met in person and sealed the friendship deal(at least in some opinions), that I consider these people to be good friends.
They all live in the same area of the country, so someday I'd like to make it to the vicinity of New Orleans, the Mississippi, and the corner of Missouri.
The first I met was D(not using real names - to protect the innocent(or maybe not so innocent), who is a writer/editor and she helped me with my writing. She saw potential in me and I want to thank her in person for all she's done for me as an editor and friend. Then I want her to make me one of her home cooked meals that I read about on Facebook now.
Secondly was Nikki, who was also a writer - hmm, i since a trend here. The big reason I fell into like with this person(whether he was or male or female) was that we liked a lot of the same music and he had the job I've always wanted - writing for a paper, and writing more entertainment type stuff versus the boring ol' news. I should retort with , he was a writer... we've had a long strange trip as friends and he's not writing anymore despite the urging nods I give him to do so. He's been a good friend and knows how to make me laugh -
And then thanks to my D list celebrity crush on Rex Smith, I met Jessie on myspace, and we've gotten to know each other well through phone calls, texting, messaging, letters,... She's funny, interesting, and understanding.
It's like meeting new people at a meeting or a concert or a writers group, and I've known them all long enough to KNOW that they are okay, I've known them a long time. And with the MTV show Catfish I feel like baiting my own hook to finally get into the big pond and forage my way to meet them all. They've been good friends to me(and I hope vice versa) over the years of going through so much. They know more about me than people that I actually get to hang out with, How Ironic! Don't you think?
Online friends can be whatever you want them to be - for me they are my real friends. :)
It's ironic that even though we've never met in person and sealed the friendship deal(at least in some opinions), that I consider these people to be good friends.
They all live in the same area of the country, so someday I'd like to make it to the vicinity of New Orleans, the Mississippi, and the corner of Missouri.
The first I met was D(not using real names - to protect the innocent(or maybe not so innocent), who is a writer/editor and she helped me with my writing. She saw potential in me and I want to thank her in person for all she's done for me as an editor and friend. Then I want her to make me one of her home cooked meals that I read about on Facebook now.
Secondly was Nikki, who was also a writer - hmm, i since a trend here. The big reason I fell into like with this person(whether he was or male or female) was that we liked a lot of the same music and he had the job I've always wanted - writing for a paper, and writing more entertainment type stuff versus the boring ol' news. I should retort with , he was a writer... we've had a long strange trip as friends and he's not writing anymore despite the urging nods I give him to do so. He's been a good friend and knows how to make me laugh -
And then thanks to my D list celebrity crush on Rex Smith, I met Jessie on myspace, and we've gotten to know each other well through phone calls, texting, messaging, letters,... She's funny, interesting, and understanding.
It's like meeting new people at a meeting or a concert or a writers group, and I've known them all long enough to KNOW that they are okay, I've known them a long time. And with the MTV show Catfish I feel like baiting my own hook to finally get into the big pond and forage my way to meet them all. They've been good friends to me(and I hope vice versa) over the years of going through so much. They know more about me than people that I actually get to hang out with, How Ironic! Don't you think?
Online friends can be whatever you want them to be - for me they are my real friends. :)
Knowing Anthony
To know Anthony is to know love.
Ant & I at his Christening if Fall 2009
Before I knew him, I didn't know a thing about Down Syndrome. I didn't know he was carrying an extra chromosome. I didn't know just how much I could love, grow, and learn about pretty much everything.
I didn't know that that 21st chromosome didn't mean the end of the world, if anything it is a whole new realm.
Also, this whole new group of people that have all been so wonderful. This includes their families as well. It's a true blessing to be in this community.
It's ironic that I didn't know a thing about Anthony John's special gene, and now I feel so full of knowledge and power.
I didn't know how strong I could be until Anthony...
Before I knew him, I didn't know a thing about Down Syndrome. I didn't know he was carrying an extra chromosome. I didn't know just how much I could love, grow, and learn about pretty much everything.
I didn't know that that 21st chromosome didn't mean the end of the world, if anything it is a whole new realm.
Also, this whole new group of people that have all been so wonderful. This includes their families as well. It's a true blessing to be in this community.
It's ironic that I didn't know a thing about Anthony John's special gene, and now I feel so full of knowledge and power.
I didn't know how strong I could be until Anthony...
Thursday, February 21, 2013
Before I became a mom(writing prompt)
I could set this up with a bulleted list of what I knew then versus what I know now. However, I chose to use this writing prompt to get up on a soapbox (I promise not to be too preachy), and reminisce about my life before having my sons. So here it goes...
This picture was taken New Year's Eve, 1991 (I met my husband in May of 92)
Before I became a mom my days started later, (yes, even though my kids do sleep in,they don't sleep until noon time), my nights were longer(thanks to the those lazy days haha.) My life was lonely, though. I can remember waiting for my life to start. I'd spend a lot of time alone, working, reading, watching movies that weren't cartoons - basically a lot of ME time. So, before kids, it was all about me.
My me soiree went on for a long time, however, I don't think I appreciated it then as much as I appreciate my little snippets of time from the mom party. It's ironic - when I had all that time, I wasted much of it, and now, I long for that time - it makes me better as a mom. So, those karaoke nights are crucial to my well being!
Honestly, before I came a mom and wife, I didn't know where my future was going. I don't want to make this a depressing blog. I just didn't see myself going anywhere. Meeting my husband started the ball of life rolling, and rolling, and getting closer to me, much like that giant boulder that chased after Indiana Jones. Once you find happiness of any kind, you just want to keep it up and keep it fresh.
The world before kids was scary, but now I have these little extensions of myself and my hubby, and only clowns and spiders scare me. I worry about my boys instead of worrying what I am doing this weekend or if I'll ever find that perfect job.
Now I have the perfect job, and I'm the happiest I've been in my life. I have time to fry other fish aside from my family and my home. Everything in the pan is everything I've loved since I was a kid. Before I had kids, everything I wrote was fictional therapy. Now I just relish in the time i have and write whatever is on my mind. Blogging certainly helps.
Before I became the mom I am now, I never knew what great friends I'd have. I was typically a lone or had one really good friend. Now, I have the most wonderful supportive friends who are also moms.
It's all good... Everyday is different but the same in a good way, and before I became a mom, I couldn't say that.
Me with my husband, pre marriage, pre kids, in a Boston nightclub's photo booth.
Before I became a mom my days started later, (yes, even though my kids do sleep in,they don't sleep until noon time), my nights were longer(thanks to the those lazy days haha.) My life was lonely, though. I can remember waiting for my life to start. I'd spend a lot of time alone, working, reading, watching movies that weren't cartoons - basically a lot of ME time. So, before kids, it was all about me.
My me soiree went on for a long time, however, I don't think I appreciated it then as much as I appreciate my little snippets of time from the mom party. It's ironic - when I had all that time, I wasted much of it, and now, I long for that time - it makes me better as a mom. So, those karaoke nights are crucial to my well being!
Honestly, before I came a mom and wife, I didn't know where my future was going. I don't want to make this a depressing blog. I just didn't see myself going anywhere. Meeting my husband started the ball of life rolling, and rolling, and getting closer to me, much like that giant boulder that chased after Indiana Jones. Once you find happiness of any kind, you just want to keep it up and keep it fresh.
The world before kids was scary, but now I have these little extensions of myself and my hubby, and only clowns and spiders scare me. I worry about my boys instead of worrying what I am doing this weekend or if I'll ever find that perfect job.
Now I have the perfect job, and I'm the happiest I've been in my life. I have time to fry other fish aside from my family and my home. Everything in the pan is everything I've loved since I was a kid. Before I had kids, everything I wrote was fictional therapy. Now I just relish in the time i have and write whatever is on my mind. Blogging certainly helps.
Before I became the mom I am now, I never knew what great friends I'd have. I was typically a lone or had one really good friend. Now, I have the most wonderful supportive friends who are also moms.
It's all good... Everyday is different but the same in a good way, and before I became a mom, I couldn't say that.
Me with my husband, pre marriage, pre kids, in a Boston nightclub's photo booth.
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
If Time Stopped(writing prompt)
*Either my writing skill is slipping or my weekly writing prompts are becoming more of a challenge,but I'm up for it. So here it goes...*
When I ponder over the idea of if time stopped and automatically think of Jim Croce's "Time in a Bottle". What is the numero uno thing i would do?
Well, if it time stopped, right now, at this moment, I'd be happy. Today started off a little later than most as my three sons all had a delay. My oldest, FT, was promised a ride to the bus stop, and he got it. Just in time for the bus, he safely made it to the end of our street and told me "It's been real, mom." That was a moment were if time had stopped I could just hang in the air with a big smile knowing that I had made my son's day by just giving him a 30 second ride.
If Time had stopped when I woke up, that would not have been so bad as I was the first to wake up at 8:30, yes, 8:30. My children have inherited the "i like to sleep in" gene from me :). From a complete different perspective, the quiet was a beautiful thing. It's almost as if I was a rechargeable battery that was being juiced up.
If time had stopped when my Middle son, TJ, woke up, and had his blanket pulled atop his head so he looked like a Shepard, I'd definitely had scooped it up and placed it my Captain America coffee cup. He was smiley and calm. And what a beautiful although toothless (he lost another tooth last night) smile it was!
If time had stopped when I scooped up my baby, my final child, AJ, that hug would've stuck to me all day like sweet sticky glue. To be stuck together like said glue, would have me wish for time never to start. I could just hold him, feeling those chubby cheeks against my own roundish face, and watch the world, or at least my world, around me.
If time had stopped - with my husband, that might quite possibly be that opportune moment to just be with him ....We tend to take each other for granted, everything but us seems to be on our minds. Embracing, and loving and watching what we've made, My husband and I would just sit back and relish in the the moment.
When I ponder over the idea of if time stopped and automatically think of Jim Croce's "Time in a Bottle". What is the numero uno thing i would do?
Well, if it time stopped, right now, at this moment, I'd be happy. Today started off a little later than most as my three sons all had a delay. My oldest, FT, was promised a ride to the bus stop, and he got it. Just in time for the bus, he safely made it to the end of our street and told me "It's been real, mom." That was a moment were if time had stopped I could just hang in the air with a big smile knowing that I had made my son's day by just giving him a 30 second ride.
If Time had stopped when I woke up, that would not have been so bad as I was the first to wake up at 8:30, yes, 8:30. My children have inherited the "i like to sleep in" gene from me :). From a complete different perspective, the quiet was a beautiful thing. It's almost as if I was a rechargeable battery that was being juiced up.
If time had stopped when my Middle son, TJ, woke up, and had his blanket pulled atop his head so he looked like a Shepard, I'd definitely had scooped it up and placed it my Captain America coffee cup. He was smiley and calm. And what a beautiful although toothless (he lost another tooth last night) smile it was!
If time had stopped when I scooped up my baby, my final child, AJ, that hug would've stuck to me all day like sweet sticky glue. To be stuck together like said glue, would have me wish for time never to start. I could just hold him, feeling those chubby cheeks against my own roundish face, and watch the world, or at least my world, around me.
If time had stopped - with my husband, that might quite possibly be that opportune moment to just be with him ....We tend to take each other for granted, everything but us seems to be on our minds. Embracing, and loving and watching what we've made, My husband and I would just sit back and relish in the the moment.
Friday, February 8, 2013
Being Real (latest writing prompt)
I'm cutting it down to the wire here getting my writing prompt blog in, but the reality is that all my balls are up in the juggling air and I can't be everywhere those darn balls are going to land.
Just sitting here, I sip my English breakfast tea and look out at the light snow falling that will eventually snowball(pun intended) into the Blizzard of 2013. In reality, we are supposed to get over two feet of snow.
Somewhere between the snow, my kids being home all day, and the baking I'll be doing this domestic goddess is keeping it all in perspective and in the moment.
The reality is while I go along with the present moment, my kids are thinking about lunch at breakfast time.
Honestly, I am not sure what to write, i know my life is a bouquet of wonderful smelling flowers that wilt, and lose petals after awhile. I'm gonna enjoy the beauty of those buds while they are around, but their scent will forever remain with me.
To be real is is truthful, and I'm as real as I'm going to get. I don't always tell the truth, I don't always do the right thing, but part of being human is making mistakes in which I've learned a lot from over the years.
This is as real as it's going to get. Be you, and strive for your best.
Just sitting here, I sip my English breakfast tea and look out at the light snow falling that will eventually snowball(pun intended) into the Blizzard of 2013. In reality, we are supposed to get over two feet of snow.
Somewhere between the snow, my kids being home all day, and the baking I'll be doing this domestic goddess is keeping it all in perspective and in the moment.
The reality is while I go along with the present moment, my kids are thinking about lunch at breakfast time.
Honestly, I am not sure what to write, i know my life is a bouquet of wonderful smelling flowers that wilt, and lose petals after awhile. I'm gonna enjoy the beauty of those buds while they are around, but their scent will forever remain with me.
To be real is is truthful, and I'm as real as I'm going to get. I don't always tell the truth, I don't always do the right thing, but part of being human is making mistakes in which I've learned a lot from over the years.
This is as real as it's going to get. Be you, and strive for your best.
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