Coming home - A better Place

After almost two weeks in two different hospitals, Anthony was finally able to join his family at their modest yet humble abode.
Born with a low body temperature and slow heart rate, there was some concern and he was kept in his incubator more than he hung out with his mama. My heart sunk, things were not like this with my other “male” deliveries. The staff at the hospital did everything they could do to help him thrive.
I was discharged without him thinking what else could possibly happen? Seeing my other two little dudes with their signs and excited faces just about broke my heart.  After not being able to stabilize his temperature and heart rate, Anthony was being transferred to a pediatric hospital.

All I wanted was for my baby boy to be home and it was so hard to have to go to the NICU and see him hooked up to all these machines. Every day there were updates of his good health and great progress.

The day he was discharged, my husband and I met with Dr. Sig Pueschel, who was the doctor in charge of the Down Syndrome Program at Rhode Island Hospital. He gave the official diagnosis of Anthony having Down Syndrome and did it in such a quiet, upbeat way that I felt immediately relieved and happily relaxed about what the future would bring.

After three days at Sturdy Hospital and 5 at Women & Infants' Hospital,  he was finally able to come home. I was so happy to have him be with us and begin his life outside the walls of the hospital. His coming home brought us into a new world. It’s a beautiful, amazing, colorful, place where we have grown as a family and our world became a better place.

 

 

I gotta a fever ..I need a prescription...

and unlike Will Ferrell, it's not for more cowbell.

It's writing... The past few weeks I've been in this funk, feeling much like a dark cloud as followed me around relentlessly. It didn't do me any good, writing does me good - It's my prozac, my ying to the yang, my life's passion outside of my family, movies and music. So how did I get away from it? Well, I'm back...

So, I finally decided I had to sit down with my iced coffee, while the first day of April school vacation is underway, and get back on track. Plus, I felt something about to brim over, much like the boiling water in the pot, and so far this seems to be simmering things down.
It's not like I want to use this blog to vent about the things bothering me or write about my problems that I keep inside my cobwebbed filled head. Slowly the spiders will find another place to house themselves as everything evens out. It's amazing that with just letting the words spill out of my fingertips onto the keyboard and onto the world wide web, I feel a weight lift from me.
The sun is just starting to peek out behind the cloud and things are looking up.

Now I just need to remember to take to the writing daily (maybe even more than once a day if time allows) much like I take my one a day vitamin and allergy medication.

What is your prescription?

I don't miss...

taking the train into Boston every single day to go to work. I prefer to see Boston in the light I see it in now - as a day of fun, exploring, or a night time frolick through back bay after going to see the Boston Pops.

I don't miss being lonely, but sometimes I miss the alone time - It's ironic but back before I met my husband, I was alone almost all the time and I hated it. Yet, now, that type of time is a far and few between. When I go get it now, I love it! You can't get much more ironic than that, Alanis! (Don't you think?)

Getting married and having a family has completely changed my perception and my attitude grows in a positive way as i get older. So, I don't miss some of the time I wasted wishing things were different. Instead, I relish in the present and look forward to more good days!

Where I Belong

Sometimes I wonder between my past and present lives, where exactly do I fall in the whole scheme of life.
Where am I supposed to be? The crossroad I stand in is made up of the smooth versus the gravelly. The smooth is where I was 20 some odd years ago, I just didn't see it. I tended to feel that I was on a dark road. Yes, it was straight, maybe a little too straight, and I wanted to really live alongside the members of the band, The Eagles.
The gravelly road full of tiny little pebbles and big boulders was (or should I say is) the more unknowing way. Life tends to be a lot of stubbing my toes on those big rocks. It smarts, sometimes really hurts when this happens, but later on I realize that things occur to show me how strong I am.

I truly believe that I belong on the harder road as it has helped shape who I am today. Challenges have visited me in many forms, and for many of those challenges I see something sweeter at the end once I've dived in head first and dug my way through to find the sweetness.

Sometimes this conversation goes on in my head, where am I going? where have I been? and am I where I should be?
This very tough yet tender gal is going towards that giant formation of strength. Moving forward, loving all those in my life - who also cheer me on, I realize I am where I belong - on a moving treadmill and taking in all that surrounds me - family, friends and my passions.

Online friends - are they the real deal?

So, in the past 12 years or so, a few branches on my friend tree are ones that are 1,000's of miles away. Thanks to the internet, and being in the right place at the right time, I've met three people online, between myspace, my writing life, and my online 'journal'. Now we are all on FB, or have exchanged addresses and become pen pals in one way or another.
It's ironic that even though we've never met in person and sealed the friendship deal(at least in some opinions), that I consider these people to be good friends.
They all live in the same area of the country, so someday I'd like to make it to the vicinity of New Orleans, the Mississippi, and the corner of Missouri.
The first I met was D(not using real names - to protect the innocent(or maybe not so innocent), who is a writer/editor and she helped me with my writing. She saw potential in me and I want to thank her in person for all she's done for me as an editor and friend. Then I want her to make me one of her home cooked meals that I read about on Facebook now.
Secondly was Nikki, who was also a writer - hmm, i since a trend here. The big reason I fell into like with this person(whether he was or male or female) was that we liked a lot of the same music and he had the job I've always wanted - writing for a paper, and writing more entertainment type stuff versus the boring ol' news.  I should retort with , he was a writer... we've had a long strange trip as friends and he's not writing anymore despite the urging nods I give him to do so. He's been a good friend and knows how to make me laugh -
And then thanks to my D list celebrity crush on Rex Smith, I met Jessie on myspace, and we've gotten to know each other well through phone calls, texting, messaging, letters,... She's funny, interesting, and understanding.
It's like meeting new people at a meeting or a concert or a writers group, and I've known them all long enough to KNOW that they are okay, I've known them a long time. And with the MTV show Catfish I feel like baiting my own hook to finally get into the big pond and forage my way to meet them all. They've been good friends to me(and I hope vice versa) over the years of going through so much. They know more about me than people that I actually get to hang out with, How Ironic! Don't you think?
Online friends can be whatever you want them to be - for me they are my real friends. :)

Knowing Anthony

To know Anthony is to know love.

Ant & I at his Christening if Fall 2009

Before I knew him, I didn't know a thing about Down Syndrome. I didn't know he was carrying an extra chromosome. I didn't know just how much I could love, grow, and learn about pretty much everything.
I didn't know that that 21st chromosome didn't mean the end of the world, if anything it is a whole new realm.

Also, this whole new group of people that have all been so wonderful. This includes their families as well. It's a true blessing to be in this community. 
It's ironic that I didn't know a thing about Anthony John's special gene, and now I feel so full of knowledge and power.
I didn't know how strong I could be until Anthony...

Before I became a mom(writing prompt)

I could set this up with a bulleted list of what I knew then versus what I know now. However, I chose to use this writing prompt to get up on a soapbox (I promise not to be too preachy), and reminisce about my life before having my sons. So here it goes...

This picture was taken New Year's Eve, 1991 (I met my husband in May of 92)

Before I became a mom my days started later, (yes, even though my kids do sleep in,they don't sleep until noon time), my nights were longer(thanks to the those lazy days haha.) My life was lonely, though. I can remember waiting for my life to start. I'd spend a lot of time alone, working, reading, watching movies that weren't cartoons - basically a lot of ME time. So, before kids, it was all about me.

My me soiree went on for a long time, however, I don't think I appreciated it then as much as I appreciate my little snippets of time from the mom party. It's ironic - when I had all that time, I wasted much of it, and now, I long for that time - it makes me better as a mom. So, those karaoke nights are crucial to my well being!

Honestly, before I came a mom and wife, I didn't know where my future was going. I don't want to make this a depressing blog. I just didn't see myself going anywhere. Meeting my husband started the ball of life rolling, and rolling, and getting closer to me, much like that giant boulder that chased after Indiana Jones. Once you find happiness of any kind, you just want to keep it up and keep it fresh.

The world before kids was scary, but now I have these little extensions of myself and my hubby, and only clowns and spiders scare me. I worry about my boys instead of worrying what I am doing this weekend or if I'll ever find that perfect job. 
Now I have the perfect job, and I'm the happiest I've been in my life. I have time to fry other fish aside from my family and my home. Everything in the pan is everything I've loved since I was a kid. Before I had kids, everything I wrote was fictional therapy. Now I just relish in the time i have and write whatever is on my mind. Blogging certainly helps.
Before I became the mom I am now, I never knew what great friends I'd have. I was typically a lone or had one really good friend. Now, I have the most wonderful supportive friends who are also moms.

It's all good... Everyday is different but the same in a good way, and before I became a mom, I couldn't say that.

Me with my husband, pre marriage, pre kids, in a Boston nightclub's photo booth.